Today I want to tell you

My sweet boy
the energy of my life
today I want to tell you
as the mother's day is approaching
making me recollect the events
things that broke me into pieces
things that interfered with my motherhood
how I concealed my emotions
in order to keep you happy
how I hide my tears
in order to keep you smiling
how I maintained my strength
in order to raise you healthy
when people tell me
that I am so strong
its not really the case
your mother rather is
as fragile as the snow flakes
its only your love
that kept me going
Mercy of Allah
showered onto us

My sweet little boy
the energy of my life
today I want to tell you
how much love I have given to you
my sweet pretty  mom
who I loved the most
the love of my life
the oxygen of my body
how I had to push back
her memories from my mind
how I tackled with her grief
that was not really natural
so that I could raise you well
I could keep you warm
I had no other choice
so sorry to my mom
this is how she tackled
whatever grief came underway
so my little boy
you have to be strong
for life doesn't stop
with upsetting events
always keep yourself up
and your energies high

My sweet little boy
today I want to tell you
what you mean to me
and how I feel when you are around
you fill me up with happiness
and replace my sorrows with love
your laughter are as if
someone instilled soul in me
tomorrow you will be big
and carry on your life
your mother's prayers will always there
no matter where you go
when people ask me
what my ambitions are about you
I only want one thing from you
that you be a good human
never hurt someone
who is under a tough time
give them a helping hand
and get your share of prayers

What I thought he was and what he really is....

Special thanks to Manahil (my niece)

How pain makes you a better human- Lesson learnt from a child's behavior

Kareem, who is 1 year and 2 months older than Ebrahiem sees him everyday. Usually, when I drop Ebrahiem at Kareem's house, his first response is a big smile and Ebrahiem loves that and reciprocates that with a big giggle. As Kareem approaches Ebrahiem, he appears to be more loving but that love becomes more and more aggressive. Ebrahiem's natural response is to cry and hold me tightly. Kareem's behavior is also very natural as I have seen the same behavior in my nephew Abdullah. He also tries to love other younger kids but in a very aggressive way. Secondly, if his mother gives some toys to Ebrahiem, Kareem snatches them back and does not want Ebrahiem to play with his toys. 

Two days ago, Kareem hurt his foot and he could barely walk. It was very sad to see him like that. He was also not very active. Today, when I was dropping Ebrahiem there, he started crying because of separation anxiety. I told Ebrahiem that I am going to the university and have to work and told him how important that work was. When I put him down on the floor, Ebrahiem started to cry again with tears. To my surprise, Kareem dragged himself close to Ebrahiem, sat beside him and started giving him his toys with such a love, played the little toy for him and kept calling him: "hiem hiem". I never saw such a brotherly love for Ebrahiem from Kareem. 

We never like pain but perhaps, pains make us a better person today than we were yesterday.... 

This reminds me of the quote:

“The most beautiful people I've known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” 

― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Can my baby fly?

Yes, this is the question bugging me these days. As Christmas is nearing, time is getting closer that we have to fly to UK. Its not a long flight; only one hour and Ebrahiem is 7 months old today so in a way, he is less vulnerable to the germs, ascending and descending flight problem. Today I found out some useful tips for babies who have to fly at this age.

• Babies can fly very young
• It is important that they do not touch the surface, their hands should be covered with mittens and feet with socks. 
• It is important to have their pacifier during ascending and descending or they are being nursed or bottle fed. 
• Having a plan for diaper changing.
• Wearing a baby wrap or babycarrier. 
• Wear easy cloths both mama and baby (things you do not need to take off during the security checks)

I know its gonna be tough especially the commercial flights which are full more than the capacity and traveling alone with the baby who can cry any moment. I will have my personal tips to sooth my baby like music, video, toys, favorite food etc. Fingers crossed. 

Lucky He :)

I never knew the benefits of being the first child of a family as I was the youngest of my parents. So, here comes he. He is the first child in all my friends here so he is apple of eye of everybody. Today he got a beautiful jas (jacket) from Aurin my friend. Two days ago, he got a jeans and shirt from my colleague Peng. I found a little gift in his manje (basket) in his creche. Most importantly he is being cherished by lots of people. Once I took him to the office and asked Yuti (my colleague/ friend) to babysit him for 30 minutes as I had a meeting. On the way to the office, one of our colleague saw me so she informed another colleague. While I was in the meeting, she came inside and asked about him as she also wanted to cuddle him. My boss's response was "Everybody in the office is enjoying except me". Evelien (my colleague/ friend) used to visit him often when she was in the Netherlands, and now Marloes (colleague friend) who loves to take him and fly. He knows Lilianne because we share the same office and I know during my pregnancy when she used to enter in the office, he was jumping inside me. During Friday afternoons, I keep him in the office and try to work there, and during some break, I take him to Boukje and Frans and both cuddle him. Then is my friend Esma with whom he is always crying and she thinks that he isn't feeling well but I don't know why he always cries when she calls or visits. Ayla (my friend) is a good babysitter and she makes him sleep and does her work. 

All in all, he is loved by everybody around so he is a little bit spoiled. When my family ask me if I need any cloths for him, I always have to stop them because I receive so many things for him every now and then. 

Getting to know your baby (part II) some tips

Mother-child relationship is important and it is essential to know few important points to enjoy this precious time of one's life i.e., motherhood (or in general parenthood)

1) You cannot spoil your baby at this age. Babies need you but you also need your baby. Bonding is important. If your baby wants you to hold him all the time, this does not necessarily mean you are spoiling him. On the contrary, it develops a strong bond with your child. By the time your baby is crawling/ walking, he/ she will learn how to be independent and on his own.

2) People will be judging you all the time- this is also part of parenthood. Don't get carried away by that.

3) Don't refuse to take any used cloths. Babies outgrow their cloths within no time. And first few months, they need lots of cloths.

4) Arrange the cloths as per size, and replace quickly when they outgrow because sometimes many cloths can never be used because they are ignored somehow.

5) Buy a sling or a baby carrier. Small babies often like to be carried around and feel comfortable. Its a useful investment.

6) Using normal diapers (inexpensive ones) during the day time and the better ones during the night time makes you save some money.

7) First 2-3 months, babies throw up a lot. Not only the baby but you yourself need lots of cloths. Try wearing small T-shirts and do laundry on regular basis. Cloths with puking on them get bacteria and algae pretty soon.

8) Many babies are colic during first few months. There is unfortunately no solution but five S can make your life better. i) Swaddle, ii) Suck, iii) Swing, iv) Sound v) Side or stomach position
Important notes: for i) Buy a swaddler or simply tighten your baby in a slightly long blanket or shawl. Babies want to feel like they are in their mother's womb. ii) Some babies don't like pacifier but with time this comes. If they prefer thumb its better because during the night if pacifier falls off, the babies wake you up. iii) Shush sound Shhhhhhhh works magically. In addition, do sing for your baby v) never make your baby sleep on stomach. When he/ she is sleeping, always put him on back.

9) If your baby likes to share bed with you, don't get upset. Babies whose primary need (feeling safe) is taken care of, become independent and more confident later.

10) Set a sleep routine for baby. Your baby needs lots of sleep. If babies are not sleeping enough (and they don't want to), struggle a bit harder, because sleep begets sleep and babies who sleep more are in general happy and fresh afterwards.

11) Make her room interesting by using various colors and complex shapes.

12)  Babies bowl movements can vary a lot so don't worry. 

Stranger's Anxiety coming in

Day before yesterday, I was talking to the lady in his creche (leidster) that he is always relaxed with others and doesn't care if I am leaving. So yesterday, when I was leaving him in the creche, he showed first signs of stranger's anxiety. He wanted to come back to me and soon filled his eyes with tears. I am a very strong person but it was kind of emotional. After looking into his eyes, I had to run fast to my office. 

Last night, I had to visit somebody and the lady was quite loving towards him but he remained with me and as soon as she would take him, he cried. When I brought him back home, he was giggling and laughing as if he is in an interesting place like a zoo :) Today as expected, he made a big mess when I was leaving him in the creche. 

So stranger's anxiety has came in. But who is stranger in his case except mama. He only sees me so I hope this phase goes away soon. I have my very nice friends around and I want him to remain happy with them.