Can my baby fly?

Yes, this is the question bugging me these days. As Christmas is nearing, time is getting closer that we have to fly to UK. Its not a long flight; only one hour and Ebrahiem is 7 months old today so in a way, he is less vulnerable to the germs, ascending and descending flight problem. Today I found out some useful tips for babies who have to fly at this age.

• Babies can fly very young
• It is important that they do not touch the surface, their hands should be covered with mittens and feet with socks. 
• It is important to have their pacifier during ascending and descending or they are being nursed or bottle fed. 
• Having a plan for diaper changing.
• Wearing a baby wrap or babycarrier. 
• Wear easy cloths both mama and baby (things you do not need to take off during the security checks)

I know its gonna be tough especially the commercial flights which are full more than the capacity and traveling alone with the baby who can cry any moment. I will have my personal tips to sooth my baby like music, video, toys, favorite food etc. Fingers crossed. 

Lucky He :)

I never knew the benefits of being the first child of a family as I was the youngest of my parents. So, here comes he. He is the first child in all my friends here so he is apple of eye of everybody. Today he got a beautiful jas (jacket) from Aurin my friend. Two days ago, he got a jeans and shirt from my colleague Peng. I found a little gift in his manje (basket) in his creche. Most importantly he is being cherished by lots of people. Once I took him to the office and asked Yuti (my colleague/ friend) to babysit him for 30 minutes as I had a meeting. On the way to the office, one of our colleague saw me so she informed another colleague. While I was in the meeting, she came inside and asked about him as she also wanted to cuddle him. My boss's response was "Everybody in the office is enjoying except me". Evelien (my colleague/ friend) used to visit him often when she was in the Netherlands, and now Marloes (colleague friend) who loves to take him and fly. He knows Lilianne because we share the same office and I know during my pregnancy when she used to enter in the office, he was jumping inside me. During Friday afternoons, I keep him in the office and try to work there, and during some break, I take him to Boukje and Frans and both cuddle him. Then is my friend Esma with whom he is always crying and she thinks that he isn't feeling well but I don't know why he always cries when she calls or visits. Ayla (my friend) is a good babysitter and she makes him sleep and does her work. 

All in all, he is loved by everybody around so he is a little bit spoiled. When my family ask me if I need any cloths for him, I always have to stop them because I receive so many things for him every now and then. 

Getting to know your baby (part II) some tips

Mother-child relationship is important and it is essential to know few important points to enjoy this precious time of one's life i.e., motherhood (or in general parenthood)

1) You cannot spoil your baby at this age. Babies need you but you also need your baby. Bonding is important. If your baby wants you to hold him all the time, this does not necessarily mean you are spoiling him. On the contrary, it develops a strong bond with your child. By the time your baby is crawling/ walking, he/ she will learn how to be independent and on his own.

2) People will be judging you all the time- this is also part of parenthood. Don't get carried away by that.

3) Don't refuse to take any used cloths. Babies outgrow their cloths within no time. And first few months, they need lots of cloths.

4) Arrange the cloths as per size, and replace quickly when they outgrow because sometimes many cloths can never be used because they are ignored somehow.

5) Buy a sling or a baby carrier. Small babies often like to be carried around and feel comfortable. Its a useful investment.

6) Using normal diapers (inexpensive ones) during the day time and the better ones during the night time makes you save some money.

7) First 2-3 months, babies throw up a lot. Not only the baby but you yourself need lots of cloths. Try wearing small T-shirts and do laundry on regular basis. Cloths with puking on them get bacteria and algae pretty soon.

8) Many babies are colic during first few months. There is unfortunately no solution but five S can make your life better. i) Swaddle, ii) Suck, iii) Swing, iv) Sound v) Side or stomach position
Important notes: for i) Buy a swaddler or simply tighten your baby in a slightly long blanket or shawl. Babies want to feel like they are in their mother's womb. ii) Some babies don't like pacifier but with time this comes. If they prefer thumb its better because during the night if pacifier falls off, the babies wake you up. iii) Shush sound Shhhhhhhh works magically. In addition, do sing for your baby v) never make your baby sleep on stomach. When he/ she is sleeping, always put him on back.

9) If your baby likes to share bed with you, don't get upset. Babies whose primary need (feeling safe) is taken care of, become independent and more confident later.

10) Set a sleep routine for baby. Your baby needs lots of sleep. If babies are not sleeping enough (and they don't want to), struggle a bit harder, because sleep begets sleep and babies who sleep more are in general happy and fresh afterwards.

11) Make her room interesting by using various colors and complex shapes.

12)  Babies bowl movements can vary a lot so don't worry. 

Stranger's Anxiety coming in

Day before yesterday, I was talking to the lady in his creche (leidster) that he is always relaxed with others and doesn't care if I am leaving. So yesterday, when I was leaving him in the creche, he showed first signs of stranger's anxiety. He wanted to come back to me and soon filled his eyes with tears. I am a very strong person but it was kind of emotional. After looking into his eyes, I had to run fast to my office. 

Last night, I had to visit somebody and the lady was quite loving towards him but he remained with me and as soon as she would take him, he cried. When I brought him back home, he was giggling and laughing as if he is in an interesting place like a zoo :) Today as expected, he made a big mess when I was leaving him in the creche. 

So stranger's anxiety has came in. But who is stranger in his case except mama. He only sees me so I hope this phase goes away soon. I have my very nice friends around and I want him to remain happy with them. 

Getting to know your baby

Another day in a row that I am going to write about my baby, well not really about MY BABY but babies in general. It is because tomorrow is a day which is related to so many emotions breeding inside me so I will write about them in my other blog.

Talking about the emotions, here too, I am going to write about emotions in babies. What is actually emotion? Emotions refer to some sensation inside our bodies that signals a feeling. This inside sensation soon appears to an observer who can judge what is going through the person he is observing. Babies are born with two emotions. In fact, these emotions develop way before you are born. Anger and Joy. Some lucky couples get to see one of these emotions via 4D ultrasound. In the picture below, you can see this 17 weeks old fetus smiling implying that feelings of happiness or anger develop much earlier before it was previously thought. 

These two emotions are result of two types of chemicals (hormones) in the body; the one related to anger is called "Noradrenalin" and the one related to happiness is called "Endorphin". If a baby is born without "Anger", this is a major point of concern for the ones assisting in the birthing process. The impact of this emotions "Anger" is that the baby starts the breathing process (a vital function ensures your survival). The second emotion "Joy" is the result of Endorphin. Yes, this one is also essential because the process of birthing is not only painful for mother, but also for the baby. This hormone is generated to act as a painkiller or to create numbness so that the baby is born healthy without any fetal distress or something causing danger to the life of the baby. 

So now, we already learnt how essential these emotions are for the birthing process. We can order them into Endorphin coming first, then Noradrenalin. But that's not the end of the story. Babies need these emotions essentially for the initial days of their birth because they cannot "express" their needs. In an hour or so, Endorphin comes into play again resulting into (may be a smile) and then baby starts to feel hungry so it generates the sucking reflex. Babies only need two of these for the next couple of months. Gradually, they learn how and when to use one of the other. 

Initially, babies cry a lot because they need to feel secure, taken care of their hunger, cramps, sleep, uneasiness caused by a wet/ dirty diaper or a diaper rash and the list goes on. Hence, the starting month can be a lot stressful for especially mother and then those taking care of the baby. However, it is very important that those dealing with the baby are not traumatized themselves. They need to fulfill the needs of the baby all the time- most importantly HAPPILY. There are various reasons for it:

1) Your baby has a very strong need of "Security" and the first year is very important for his/ her physical as well as psychological growth. Don't do anything that may cause the baby to feel insecure. 

2) Don't underestimate your baby. Your baby knows you more than you know your baby and he/ she can really feel what's going with you. If you are distressed, the baby can easily get distressed (Angry) and the anger multiplies so you are in more trouble.

3) If you are stressed, you can  harm the baby. Baby shaking syndrome is a type of child abuse caused by an angry adult. This results into a permanent paralysis or even death. 

4) When you smile at your baby no matter how angry you are, your own body automatically start to release Endorphin. Most parents experience a refreshing sensation by merely seeing their baby. This is also due to the play of Endorphin. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, a crying baby can even upset people not related to you. This may put parents into more distress. Remember, you should never feel embarrassment or distress, this is very very important. How people feel is not your business. You cannot do anything more than what you are already doing to calm your baby down. 

In this journey of parenthood, you will also come across some evil people (sorry for using this) but they will always tell you how easy their babies are. Remember, all babies are different but most importantly Every baby is easy is one sense and difficult in other. Babies come in package. It might be that those easy babies might come in package with some other annoying habit or comfort. 

Giving yourself and your baby time to learn each other is very important. You don't become friends with somebody just in one second. Sometimes, friendship is a work of years of stressful fights with each other. Same is with the baby. Again, first year is very important for bonding. This year will be full of sleepless nights, stressful days, dirty house, laundry bag full, stinky house, uncombed hair and so on. Don't get carried away by those who are judging you especially at this point of your life. As most mothers told me, "Enjoy this time because babies grow very fast". 

You and your baby are co-evolving with each other. Both of you have to compromise on various things. Although mothers have to compromise most, but sometimes, making your baby compromise on few things doesn't make you a bad mother. But remember, Your baby is an uncolored drawing book.  It is you who has to fill color in the baby. So better fill it with the colors of love, joy, empathy, care, determination, balance, management and whatever you think is best for your child. 

Last thing for now, every time your baby wakes up, welcome him/ her with a big smile and hug. I still can't forget the memories when I used to wake up, my mother would always welcome me and how I was feeling like a Queen. Instill this love in your baby becuase he/ she will reflect the same in their kids/ people surrounding them. 

This topic is just too big that I need more space to write. So I will write later about it. 

Finally I am learning him

This is a mother who is finally happy!

Ebrahiem, You have had 6 months of being spoiled by your mother. Now finally mama feels that she has "somewhat" learned you. 

For new mothers, it is very important to know. As stated by my boss, babies know you better than you know them. It is true. Ebrahiem learnt me very fast and he knew how to get his wishes fulfilled. In returned, my 6 months job was quite frantic. I had (and still have) almost always a hungry stomach, swollen eyes, aching muscles but always a smiling face. First few months can be quite a surprise so it should not put new mothers into depression.

Motherhood is about knowing your child better and keeping him happy. Its a give-give and in return getting a "smile" journey. I don't think mothers can ever predict how their child would be afterbirth. I had my own expectations about my baby. I thought, newborns are always sleeping, needing quite few dozes of milk and little bit of diaper change. But NO. Ebrahiem was sleeping at most 8 hours a day, initially a colic baby (always crying without an obvious reason), making "dirty" diapers sometimes even 7 times a day, wanting a cuddle all the time. This doesn't make him a bad baby. Most babies have "feeling secure" as their first need so did he. What if he wanted to be in my lap 24/7, yes that resulted into "baby arm" (wrist-bone overlap), crying when I am taking him outside, resulting into getting some people furious because they get a headache hearing baby cries, upset stomach, some unknown aches (but neither baby nor mother can be blamed). 

After 6 months, he has turned out to be a very social, happy, active baby. (Thanks Almighty). He seems to be most active in all the babies of his age in his creche, gets good stretches of sleep during the night (also during the day yayee), eats good, plays with mama, listen to some good stuff (rather than crazy music which he used to). In all that, yes I missed the "newborn" part because he never behaved like a newborn (newborn according to my own definition), but I have got somebody always giving me energies. I love it when he enjoys long baths, when he accidentally plays a cartoons and starts laughing at silly jokes, when he mimics me.  He is very small but his needs are much more than an adult. But overall, I love this package.

My thoughts are dispersing here and there and I am not quite writing what I wanted to. Because someone else want  to use the keyboard with hands and feet :) I just wanted to begin with something, now expect to write more about him. 

Mijn Jongen Bram is Geboren!

Ebrahiem Ahmed Shaikh Arrives!

by Sohail Ahmed

Mijn zwangere vrouw was 40 weeks and 5 days zwanger on 29th March 2013 when her labour started between 21:00 and 22:00 uur and ended with a sweet angel in hands at 03.09 on 30th March 2013 (labour hours: 30). Her overall pregnancy was very nice. As she informed me about her labour, I asked her if you really think it is labour, you should inform midwife immediately. Unlike me being a bit ignorant, my wife was quite aware of what to do.  She suggested that she will inform midwife after some time.

At 01:00 am in midnight, she phoned midwife (it was Dieke) and told her about her symptoms. Midwife said that she needs to wait till the contractions become more regular with a gap of 4-5 mins. However, till morning these contractions did not turn regular. Dieke visited her at home, did some checkups, and suggested that the regular contractions have not started yet. She left with another visit again at 3pm but asked us, in case if the contractions become more regular or we need her, we must call her and she will immediately visit again.

Dieke visited again after 15:00 hours and stayed till her duty was over. During this time, she went through mijn vrouw's checkups. After 18:00 hours, Anke and Suzzanne replaced Dieke as the midwife. The contractions were getting stronger but they were still irregular. During these 21 hours of irregular labour, the dilation was not happening. The midwives took the decision to break the water as it was getting too late for her regular contractions to start and my wife was getting exhausted too. Water was a bit darker and we had to move immediately to Catharina Ziekenhuis (hospital).

I informed vrienden of mijn vrouw, Aurin, who was in Tilburg with her husband, to come and join us. She came immediately (thanks) and we, then, went to hospital together with midwives and our friends. Everything with mother and baby was good. As time passed, my wife was getting much more exhausted. Her level of pain was at the peak and  mijn vrouw was cool, calm, and very strong still. Gynecologist suggested to give her medication to induce her labour. With medication, frequency of contractions was getting higher and the contractions became stronger as well. But when you do not have energies and going through such a long labour, a time comes when you say, 'NO! It's Enough! Now, I Can't Bear It Any More!!!' That is exactly what happened with my wife. She decided to take epidural.

I was happy that she made this decision herself. If she had asked me about my my suggestion, it would have been very difficult for me. I don't know how I would have reacted, I would have been between doubts and care. I would have probably given more weight to risks (as informed by the staff) than I should have, but still I might also have opted for epidural for my wife as I could not see her in such a pain. But at the back of my mind, I would have prayed .. 'Have I made a wrong decision???' .. this dreadful thought would have hovered around my head because of the fact that I always fear of risks associated with such things (where danger is human life). I am very sensitive to this, I was realizing. Though the probability of such a worst scenario happening is  very very low - almost zero (as suggested by staff that one in two hundred thousand patients having epidural end up having effect on brain vessels), but still I would have been thinking about it all the time. At time of my wife getting epidural, I kept praying to Almighty that may this difficult phase passes with His mercy and ease. Midwives, nurse, and gynecologist in the hospital were very  kind, nice and treating very professionally and were really taking very good care of my wife.

I was very calm in this whole situation but definitely it was a very emotional and new experience for me. Thoughts of emotions, stress, hopes and fear generated a few butterflies in my stomach but I was strong enough to see her getting epidural. With every second, I was getting emotional energy but was also getting physically tired. At the end of tunnel, I could see the light, that gave me hope and energy.

Esma , een andere vriend van mijn vrouw uit Tilburg, joined us at hospital. When we came back from epidural room, she was there in the 'bevalling' (delivery) room. After some time, Esma and Aurin brought my parents to hospital to see my wife and then dropped them back home as well. They kept praying for everything being easy.

By 02.00 am in the midnight, my wife had full dilation. Gynecologist and midwife suggested it was time to push. Pushing for almost 40 mins did not help much. Mijn jongen wanted to stay a few more minutes inside the warm womb of his mother. Probably, he loved it very much. With some more effort and vacuum,  finally an angel of his mother and father, kliene Bram, Ebrahiem Ahmed Shaikh, arrived in this world and rested well on her mother's chest. Bram was crying, and everyone was happy to see this sweet little baby. May Allah bestow him with His blessings always. Amen. It was the moment of the utmost happiness for all of us. I became a Proud Father - Papa :). I was looking forward to having him in hands. He is so adorable.  As a dutch tradition (as suggested by the hospital staff, though I think it happens almost everywhere in the world), I cut the umbilical cord of my son. I felt very emotional and happy to do that.

When the nurse rested the baby on the chest of my wife, she was very excited, happy, but at the same time due to her long labour, she was also very tired. Nurse Anja questioned that you are sleeping after having a baby, where is the burst of energy :). I know that my wife had all the emotional energy for my son at that time. She was very happy.

My special thanks to Aurin and Esma who were kind to be there and gave all the support during the whole delivery process. My special regards and thanks to Verloskundigepraktrijt midwives, Catharina Ziekenhuis nurses, midwives, and doctors, for demonstrating the complete professionalism and being very helpful in all regards and treating everything very professionally and kindly.

Thank you everyone.

My sweet angel after birth :)

Name:               Ebrahiem Ahmed Shaikh
Nickname:         Bram (Dutch Name for Ebrahiem)
Born:                 03.09 am - 30 March 2013
Weight:              3,070 grams (6.768 lbs)
Height:               53 cm (20.87 inches)
Hospital:            Catharina Ziekenhuis, Eindhoven
Gynecologist:     Dr. Nienke Van Trommel
Midwife:             Van der Avoort
Nurse:               Wiesje & Anja

Some pictures of Bram: